Yesterday was my birthday. Yesterday was one month to the day since my dad's funeral.
It was a mixed day.
I spent it with my friends Patricia and Nadine. Saturday I'd gone down to P's house outside of London and we spent the day walking along the Thames, drinking martinis and eating the fabulous dinner she made. Sunday I drove home after breakfast and coffee, read Harry Potter for awhile and then had dinner at a thai restaurant with N. It was a great weekend. And thank you to all who sent emails and texts and phone messages. They made me smile.
I only cried a little bit in the morning and again when I went to bed. It's like there's this gaping hole, and as long as I don't look at it or listen to the echo I'm fine. But when I do, the sadness is overwhelming. It's probably why I don't sleep much anymore. You have to calm down to sleep. And calming down means silence.
I know it will get better. I know.