Thursday, May 29, 2008

Hater, vol 4

For reference, Mr. McCain, just like Some Guy said awhile back - I am not your "friend."

Not only am I NOT your friend, I actively dislike you and your mamby pamby pandering ways. I think you look like you're made out of wax, and I think you sound like Dick Dastardly's dog Muttley when you laugh. In fact, you look a bit like him, too. (And since I know you're way too old to understand the Hanna Barbera pop culture reference, FYI that isn't a compliment. In fact - SNAP.)

I figure in the end your folksy chitterchat will ultimately kick your ass. If you can talk all cocky about giving Barack Obama some schoolin' in foreign policy with a trip to Iraq, it can only be a matter of time before you call him "boy" in a debate. Or perhaps you'll go with the less racially charged "whipper-snapper." With an old-coot holler at the end.

But for now, please cease and desist with the "friend" calling, Sir. From this point forward, it's "Miss Jackson" to you. (That one's easy. Look it up.)

This is normally where I say, "But good luck to you." Instead I'll wish you a safe free flight on your wife's corporate jet. And God bless.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Up with some people

I've got news for you Iowans. And Minnesotans. And Washingtonians. (And folks from Alaska, Colorado, Idaho, Kansas, North Dakota, Nevada, Maine, Wyoming and half of Texas.) You don't count. You and your lazy, have-a-cup-of-coffee-and-a-piece-of-pie-then-take-your-corners-and discuss-your-candidate caucusing ways are worthless. Meaningless. Why can't you just vote like normal people?

Michigan and Florida, man. Now THOSE people matter. Those people have important messages and deserve to be heard. You yokels with your chatty cathy get-togethers are just a whole lotta noise. Who cares what you think?

Thank God hard-working Hillary is here to remind us who matters and who doesn't. We always knew that it wasn't just poor uneducated white people. It's so nice to have it clarified.

Hillary's so smart. That's why she's ahead in the popular vote.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Tuesday's 10

1. I seem to have developed a pattern wherein I am telling you 10 things on my mind each day. I hope that's okay by you.
2. I was inordinately sleepy this morning. People commented on it. I think I set my alarm too early and should have let myself have another hour of real sleep, not snooze button sleep. I have said it before. I am not a morning person. At all. I think this alone is reason for me to become independently wealthy so that I don't have to get up and be productive. Productivity before 10 AM is stupid. You up-at-dawn-chirpy-morning-people suck. And you're all so self-righteous about your fresh out of bed, everything done by noon mentalities. Admit it. You don't see us as different. You think you're just a little bit better than me because you get out of bed and can hold a conversation, don't you.
3. The air conditioning blew in the room that houses our servers, and so about 130pm all servers collapsed from heat exhaustion. I had no email, couldn't print or access shared directories or the internet. Nothing. Therefore I was forced to cease working and talk about EUROVISION, which is happening all week and culminates in the finale on Saturday. Oh, bliss!
4. Since I'm in London a lot and will soon be MOVING THERE (!) I have taken to using an Oyster card, which is our version of the frequent use card. I can't believe I waited this long. Not only is it cheaper, it is much faster and you feel like a local when you whiz it over the reader. It also works on buses as well as the tube, so now I'm learning to deal with the London bus system, too. A true sign of a local.
5. I met my friend Emmanuelle for dinner tonight at a new restaurant called dim T. They serve various non-traditional dim sum and pan-Asian entrees. It was actually pretty tasty, and we had a lovely conversation. And they served some mint iced tea that tasted exactly like Moroccan mint tea except cold and without the scaldy pot.
6. I have a new computer at work. It is shiny and fast, but it doesn't have all of the little programmes like flash media and java installed, which means virtually every website you go to doesn't work, and I don't have admin rights so I can't install them and therefore I am paralyzed. Grr.
7. There are certain nights when BBC Radio 2 plays country music. I find it very odd to be driving down the left side of the road through hedgerows and twisty lanes listening to Conway Twitty.
8. I received a most excellent package from The Girls. It has magic zit powder, also known as id rare minerals blemish repair. It rocks. Just a bit on even a suspected spot before bed eliminates it. Gone. Finito. No burning red threat for two days before a major eruption. No embarrassing need for over-coverage with the foundation to conceal a gigantic blemish. It just goes away. And there was some eyeshadow and some lovely highlighting powder and it was basically like Christmas in May. Thanks, Girls!
9. At least three times a week I thank the Lord that I do not have dandruff. Dandruff is very common in the UK. I don't much care for dandruff, FYI.
10. The Michelin Man has gotten really buff. I liked him better as a fatso.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Random thoughts on my brain

1. After many years of viewing exercise as a necessary evil, I have finally found my sport. Boxing. I'm a natural. I've got a strong jab, a good hook and my upper cut is pretty okay, too. And though I'm world-renowned for my lack of coordination, I took to the fwumpity-fwumpity bag like a duck to water...had it spinning on my first try.
2. As I was waiting on the train platform today, I noticed that the girl standing next to me was wearing a cheap black fashion jacket with the word "criminal" embroidered on the back. Other than that, she looked perfectly respectable. It seemed kind of odd. I mean, the last time I checked being a criminal was not a good thing and if you WERE a criminal you wouldn't want to proclaim it to the world. Therefore I can only conclude that this is some sort of new work-release uniform and this poor girl was some sort of yobbish Hester Prynne.
3. I have several outstanding liquid eyeliners from the No. 7 collection at Boots (which all y'all can buy at the Target, I believe.) They're very sticky, though, and so you'd best lay down on the bed and close your eyes for five minutes to let it dry, or you'll have one line at your lashes and another halfway up your lid. Not being much of a morning person, this is not ideal for me. Today I almost missed my train as I fell back asleep whilst waiting for my fine pewter line to firm up.
4. No matter how many times I go to and from London, I still giggle every time my train goes through Bletchley and Leighton Buzzard. One sounds like a belch and the other sounds like a pet carrion-loving bird. One thing's for sure...I look folks up and down when they get on the train, because I really want to know who would willingly live in either of these places.
5. I am moving to London in June. I will be living about 10 minutes' stroll from the Willesden Green tube station - that's zone 2 so it's 15 minutes or so to central London but in a zone where you can still have a car. I'm moving in with a friend of a friend until August while I figure out my next move. We met for coffee today and she's outstanding. I'm really looking forward to it.
6. I can't wait to tell you all about the project I'm working on.
7. I have a serious toe cramp right now. I hate toe cramps.
8. The magic blister-wicking plasters have completely sorted out my heels. I am more fascinated than ever now as to how they work with their whitening pads.
9. It's cold in here.
10. I'm sleepy. G'night.

Beating Jay Leno to the punch

John McCain was up in arms today, berating Barack Obama for dismissing the security threat posed by Iran as "tiny". In response, Obama clarified that he was referring not to Iran the country, but to their leader, Mahmoud Amadinejad. He then added that by these measures North Korea was a tiny threat, as well.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Gross out

It has been warm, and I have been walking around in inappropriate footwear. Actually the footwear is fine really, it's my lack of proper sock or stocking that is causing the problem, specifically, very painful blisters.

I found this remarkable product at Boots: Dr. Scholl Party Feet gel plasters! Healing, cushioning...what more could a girl want?! Bought them, went home and wrapped my especially painful and pink pinky-toe in one. They're very strange. Kind of like a second skin with a padded center. Completely transparent and very very sticky - not like a band aid that you'd peel off. These feel like they'd take of the top layer off your skin so you better leave them on until they come off themselves.

MUCH better. I made it walking for two days with no pain. None. And then on the second day I discovered another pair of shoes that seem to have hidden knives in them. Ouch. I got back to the office, and when I took off my shoes I noticed that the pink-toe plaster had come partly off. So I helped it the rest of the way, and I noticed that the pad part in the center had become kind of gelatinous and white. "Eww," I thought. What is THAT? Did it suck stuff out of my foot? Did it break? I mean, what IS that?

I decided that with wear/pressure, the gel must get extra paddy and so that's why it turned white. That wouldn't be so bad.

And then I put larger plasters on the back of my heels. My left heel was a bit of a pulp. Very painful, and the plaster helped. My right heel was a bit sore but actually not that bad. I could have left that one alone, but there were two plasters in the box so I figured better safe than sorry since I was going to be walking around London again. And now I'm wishing I hadn't.

After one day of wearing, the LEFT one has turned gelatinous and white again. The RIGHT one - the heel that was actually just fine - is still transparent.

I'm now obsessively wondering what it's wicking out of my blister. And am thoroughly, completely grossed out.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

And a chicken in every pot....

I think John McCain sees fairies.

He's given quite the speech , and while it'd be nice if all his dreams came true I think perhaps he should sell the unicorn farm and read a newspaper. Or a history book.

Perhaps he is less a George Bush Republican and more a Herbert Hoover one. Now THERE'S a guy who knew from prosperous. And look at how well that turned out.

This is yet another reason Hillary needs to make a graceful exit as soon as possible. We don't need another Democratic rift putting Willy Wonka (this time driving a tank) in office.

Hater, vol. 3 - redux

Rather than republish my own rant, which is actually not nearly as eloquent or accurate to my true annoyance as it should be, I've decided instead to link to this op-ed column by Gail Collins of the New York Times. While it is not the funniest thing I've ever read, the thought of the giant stone face of Thomas Jefferson rumbling out, "You go, Girl!" as part of a campaign strategy did make me roll on the floor.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Neil Diamond is stalking me

Every time I turn on radio, he's coming to America or believing or singing some song blue or smiling at good ole Cracklin' Rose.

Obviously he's got a new album out. Which I have no desire to purchase. Whenever I hear him sing, I have the overwhelming need to clear my throat, or perhaps hand him a lozenge.

Perhaps if he brought me flowers I'd feel differently.

OH! and by the way

West Virginians are not some political bellwether. There's no as-WV-goes-so-goes-the-nation. If there were, we'd all be listening to bluegrass and whooping like hillbillies. (Which I do, in fact. But I'm not typical.)

West Virginians are white, relatively uneducated and old. They are Hillary's base, if she DOESN'T win by a 30-40% margin it's a failure for her.

Punditry sucks as much as Hillary for trying to make out like this primary matters.

Quick, stop the presses. West Virginians and their 28 delegates aren't keen on the black liberal with the Muslim-sounding name. We'd better ignore all those other voters and put the nice white lady at the top of the ticket.

Stupid tossers.

Random thoughts on my brain

Some people do randomness with their iPod. I'm doing it with the miscellany on my mind.

1. Colgate is really about the best toothpaste ever. I'm four-square against Crest, and though I like the taste of the cinnamon flavour Tom's of Maine, I feel better with industrial-strength, fortified toothpaste attacking my tartar and plaque and preventing gingivitis.
2. Now that I'm tan, I have become obsessive about moisturizing, which helps one retain one's golden brownness and avoid pesky flaking.
3. I have purchased a cocktail dress for our graduation ball that is not black. It is teal/brown iridescent, and it will likely require the purchase of gold sandals. I don't wear gold. I obviously did not think this through.
4. I removed my second Hillary rant because I'm so frothy that I decided it needed revising to a stronger, more anti-Hillary sentiment. Hillary, you really suck. You know that?
5. I love it when the weather gets warmer and I can break out my sandals and skirts and lighter clothing. But I hate blisters and chafing.
6. Last Friday I met my friend Yvonne and a few other people in Hyde Park for a picnic. It was incredibly fun. In fact, I spent about four or five hours total in the park. I got to eavesdrop on all sorts of interesting conversations, many of which I couldn't understand because they were in languages I don't speak. I especially liked the granddad playing "cuckoo" from behind trees with his granddaughter who was a toddler. (Cuckoo is peek-a-boo for Germans.)
7. Just finished The Book Thief, which I adored. It made me weep openly. The quirky narrative voice was vaguely Vonnegut-esque and I found it quite effective (though admittedly not as edgy and at times a bit contrived.) And the characters he created - with subtle details and mannerisms and behaviours - were some of the most vivid I've found lately. In fact, the sweetness and beauty of a few of them positively broke my heart. I've been thinking about death a lot, what since it's just about a year since my dad took a turn for the worst, and the way this book deals with loss and death resonated with many of the questions on my mind. It won't be to everyone's taste, but I'd say give it a try.
8. My favourite poet is e.e. cummings. Way back in 1989 I purchased an anthology of his poems in paperback, and I've worn the thing into loose-binding, missing-pages disrepair. So I decided that, as a graduation present to me, I would purchase a hard copy version that has everything he ever wrote. On the back cover there's a different picture of him than the bespectacled, sixtyish one on my old version...and I must say, even though he's of my grandfather's generation (who was older than most grandfathers of people my age), I think he's a stone cold fox. This is the top half of the picture:

In the bottom half, he's wearing baggy dungarees and standing in a lanky, casual recline against a fence, and he looks devilish and clever and relaxed and intense. When you combine this with the eloquence and beauty and humour of his poetry, I must confess I've developed quite a crush.
9. I have very strong thumbnails. My other fingernails are kind of bendy and brittle, but my thumbs, man, they grow and they don't break. My left thumbnail is a bit long right now, and kind of sharp. Last week I accidentally poked my nose and took a divot out of the tip (which, of course, just looked like a giant zit-scab,) and today I accidentally stabbed my forehead. It hurts more than the mild concussion I got when I fell down the steps and slammed into the wall in November. Note to self: cut thumbnail, or at least file the damn thing before you put an eye out.
10. ABC just announced that it is going to do a David E. Kelley version of Life on Mars, a show that aired here in the UK a few years ago. If he doesn't screw it up, it should be very very good. The original rocks. Speaking of crushes (as I was in number 8,) I developed a completely inappropriate crush on the crass lunkhead DCI Gene Hunt. In the US version, the character will be much tamer. Remember that if you end up watching the show. Whatever they do with him, make him 10 time crasser, more sexist, less honest and then add in real swearing, and then you'll understand why I'm ashamed. There is something wrong with me.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Touched by an angel, vol. 3

I received this tag from my friend MG and am very happy to participate, as I have been in a bit of a non-blogging mentality lately. Perhaps this will give me inspiration.

5 things in my bag
- A small ziploc bag containing three Buxom lip glosses from bare escentials (all of which make my tiny little lips look voluptuous), several lipsticks from sundry cosmetic giants like MAC and Trish McEvoy, and a Justine Case from Benefit to make me look not-tired and not-cranky if the need arises. (Put them in a plastic bag before flying a few trips ago and can't seem to take them out.)
- My very cool metallic animal print flat wallet that my mom gave me for Christmas
- An equally cool coin leather coin purse that has images of geisha painted on it
- Several pens and a notebook used for writing down anything that seems important
- My brand spanking new filofax, given to me as a leaving present by my company. It is red leather, and has space for addresses. I am notoriously not a keeper of anyone's address, and this is therefore a very good thing for me. In fact, allow me to take this opportunity to suggest you email me your postal address at your earliest convenience, and I will enter it into my filofax. Those who know me well will know that it is best not to assume I know it. Just because I can find your house doesn't mean I know the street name or the number, let alone the post code. I have a remarkable internal compass.

5 favourite things in my room
- a Story People print called Quiet Pride that says, "there has never been a day when I have not been proud of you, I said to my daughter, though some days I'm louder about other stuff so it's easy to miss that," which was given to me a few Christmases ago by my parents
- a postage stamp quilt that my grandmothers on my dad's side stitched folks had it quilted for me a few years ago
- my DAB radio, which picks up digital channels like BBC6
- a very nice photo of me embracing El Ben in front of a wall of snow on Mt. Rainier. It was May, like 13 years ago, and we were in shorts but the snow at Paradise hadn't melted yet so it still looked like a glacier
- a photo of me and my dad, which my brother kindly framed for me (after removing evidence of himself) wherein I am a baby sitting on my dad's lap, and I am wearing a cowboy hat

5 things I have always wanted to do
- Fly in one of those first class cabins that gives you your own little room, with a flat bed and a chair for guests and luxury amenities...I've made it to business class and normal first class, but never the really deluxe cabin
- Spend a few weeks on a private sail boat with a bunch of friends, with a crew to sail us around and cook us gourmet meals. In college my friends and I used to speculate on end about this sort of trip, compiling guest lists of friends we felt would make for a good cruise dynamic. Of course, the boats were always very large...we would not want to get into the messiness of a limited guest list.
- Live in New York. Or Chicago. Or Hong Kong. These were the pinnacle of sophisticated urban life to me when I was growing up, something I wanted very very much
- I've always wanted David Letterman's job
- Run a marathon

5 things I'm currently into
- Going to the gym. I love the treadclimber and am pleased to be losing a bit of weight, albeit very slowly
- My tan. Yes, my tan. Trips to Rio and Marrakech did wonders to my normally pale complexion
- Brazilian music
- I can not stop going out for Asian food
- Reading. I went through a dry spell after the MBA where I couldn't be bothered to do anything that required me to think. But in the past few weeks I've been able to start reading again and am now back to three active books (currently these are The Good Earth, Cloud Atlas and Saving Fish From Drowning.)

5 people you'd like to tag

In general I don't tag people anymore, but I'd like to hear from anyone willing

Sunday, May 04, 2008


Special to those who were thinking about coming to my graduation - I have four tickets, and the ceremony is at 3pm on 6 June. Please let me know ASAP if you're still thinking about this. I'm assuming no, but would still love to see you.

The more things change

So. After two weeks of not working, I've been hired back. My role is different. I am managing a special project until the end of July, and it will be good experience and still give me time to look for a job so I took it.

I've been kind of busy getting it going, but I think it's the right decision. But whole new life is just kind of new life now. Which is fine.