Tuesday, September 11, 2007


While I was home, I had several people suggest that I consider online dating. Why, I don't know. Could be that I'm a retard where dating is concerned and don't have a lot of success getting past date one. Could be that they think I'm really fabulous and should have someone who worships me. Could be that they're worried I'll steal their husbands. (Which is me making a joke, FYI.)

I gave a big phooey to this idea. I am confident that I will find someone in my own time in my own way, and until then I enjoy my own company just fine. But last night under the fog of jet lag I checked out eHarmony and they let me register for free and the next thing you know Lee in Chicago wants to meet me. As do seven others. And this is in one day. I have not paid the rather sizable fee so I can't see too many details in their profile, but thus far they seem like family-loving, physically fit, earnest types who like to take long romantic walks and want to pamper me. None of this is bad in and of itself, but where is the style? Where is the zing? Where is that sumpin' sumpin'? Give me a fat guy with a wicked sense of humor and a kind heart over a hand-holding, exercising nurturer any day of the week. And two of them don't even read. You've got to be kidding me. Where's your curiosity, for God's sake?

So I changed a few things in my profile. I've warned off closed minded boor/bores and homophobes. I've demanded they laugh at my jokes and play pranks on their friends. I've ruled out people who can't cook or spell. I told them I can't live without a good kosher dill. And that the one thing I wish people would notice about me when they meet me is that I'm cross-eyed.

Okay, eMatchmaker. NOW make me a match.


lulu said...

oh eHarmony is a freak show of well-intentioned boring people. I posted the results of my search a year or so ago. Lots of guys who don't read, or who read Dan Brown books, lots of earnest Christian types, it was depressing.

Scott said...

I'll have to find it but there's a great diary at dKos from 2005 (iirc) about eHarmony. It turns out, eH is pushing the Focus on the Family library to its members. I'm not sure if that's still the case, but forewarned and all that rot, eh?

Scott said...

Actually, the eHarmony founder publishes thru FoF's publishing house, it seems.

Her experience with eHarmony

Run! Run as fast as you can!

Coaster Punchman said...

I think you should online date. At the very least you'll get some good stories out of it.

Melinda June said...

I have no intention of paying them money, Scott, so sadly I will not receive the free books.

I may, however, try match com or someone else just to amuse CP.

I feel I can say with relative certainty, however, that my "match" is not waiting for me online. Call me a skeptic. It seems unlikely that the sort of quirky goofall that would make me happy is the sort to online date. Neither are the sort to put that kind of effort into dating.

But what do I know?

Beth said...

I did the eHarmony thing when the ex and I broke up a few years ago. The guys I got were fiftysomethings whose idea of a concert was seeing The Manhattan Transfer, or maybe Chicago. Who smoked cigars and listened to talk radio. Did they not read my profile? That's when I added Hedwig and the Angry Inch to my litmus test.

Melinda June said...

Great minds think alike.

Let me guess...once you told people who you really are they didn't try to "communicate"? I must say, it's a pile of pants so far.