While I was home, I had several people suggest that I consider online dating. Why, I don't know. Could be that I'm a retard where dating is concerned and don't have a lot of success getting past date one. Could be that they think I'm really fabulous and should have someone who worships me. Could be that they're worried I'll steal their husbands. (Which is me making a joke, FYI.)
I gave a big phooey to this idea. I am confident that I will find someone in my own time in my own way, and until then I enjoy my own company just fine. But last night under the fog of jet lag I checked out eHarmony and they let me register for free and the next thing you know Lee in Chicago wants to meet me. As do seven others. And this is in one day. I have not paid the rather sizable fee so I can't see too many details in their profile, but thus far they seem like family-loving, physically fit, earnest types who like to take long romantic walks and want to pamper me. None of this is bad in and of itself, but where is the style? Where is the zing? Where is that sumpin' sumpin'? Give me a fat guy with a wicked sense of humor and a kind heart over a hand-holding, exercising nurturer any day of the week. And two of them don't even read. You've got to be kidding me. Where's your curiosity, for God's sake?
So I changed a few things in my profile. I've warned off closed minded boor/bores and homophobes. I've demanded they laugh at my jokes and play pranks on their friends. I've ruled out people who can't cook or spell. I told them I can't live without a good kosher dill. And that the one thing I wish people would notice about me when they meet me is that I'm cross-eyed.
Okay, eMatchmaker. NOW make me a match.