Dale has tagged us with a little movie quiz. I have elected not to discuss my five grossest moments because that wouldn't be polite, and don't care to reveal my life's crushes because, well, I've traditionally had some freakishly bad taste in men, and that stems from freakishly bad taste in boys.
But this one I'll do.
1. Popcorn or candy?
I generally don't eat anything at a movie theatre, but if I do I buy the popcorn with a bit of delicious butter-flavoured topping, put salt on it and then dump Milkduds, Sugarbabies, Goobers or M&Ms in it. Just like the boyfriend/secret service agent in First Daughter.
2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.
The Women. I know I will love it, just haven't had time to see it. Note, I have not put Mommie Dearest down here because, as my mother always says, there are just some things that shouldn't be given your attention. Psycho actresses who look like transvestites and abuse their children fall into that class for me. Call me crazy.
3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar: Who loses theirs and to whom?
I might make the folks at Lord of the Rings: Return of the King hand it over to Sofia Coppolla for Lost in Translation, but that still leaves my man Bill Murray without an individual Oscar and I'm not sure I can take it back from Sean Penn so that leaves me stymied. Or I might tell Cuba Gooding Jr. to give it up for William H. Macy, who kicked butt in Fargo. Gwyneth would be in danger for beating both Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth and Emily Watson in Hilary and Jackie. Or Roberto Benigni might need to give up his best actor to Jason Schwartzman, who was positively brilliant in Rushmore.
But most likely, I'd have Mel Gibson turn that Braveheart Oscar over to Todd Solondz for Welcome to the Dollhouse. Now THAT'S a struggle for independence.
4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe.
I want Doris Day's wardrobe in Pillow Talk. (Confidential to CP...We made an agreement. You were on my time.)
5. Your favorite film franchise is....
Ma and Pa Kettle. Now that's a lotta yuks.
6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?
I like Tom's list of Best in Show/Guffman/Mighty Wind people, but I feel I need to be original. Therefore I'll have:
Jack Black because everything he does is funny. And I think he's hot.
Frances McDormand. I'd make her do her Fargo accent. And she seems like a good conversationalist. And I think she's hot.
Bill Murray, because he likes baseball. Plus, he's hot.
Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, because they are an excellent couple. Plus I think they'd like me and we would become excellent friends and I could stay with them at their place in Ireland. And they're hot.
And I'd invite Kevin Bacon, too. Hot, AND would give me a degree of one.
I don't live in a good place for entertaining so it's hard to imagine cooking here. Maybe I'd order takeaway curry and have a ton of Cobra to chase it down.
7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?
I'd allow them to take their calls, but they would have to sit in a seat surrounded by stinky people and crying babies for the remainder of the film.
8. Choose a female bodyguard:
I don't want a female bodyguard. I want Spiderman.
9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?
Molly Shannon. That girl ain't right.
10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is....
I like Kung Fu movies, musicals and nerd movies (Napoleon Dynamite, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Rushmore, Election, Bridget Jones' Diary, etc.) If I am snorting/laughing and whispering "Please make it stop," I am really enjoying myself. But isn't that true of most things in life?
11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?
I will ask them to give me a setup of the first 10 minutes, and if I can guess the ending then they go down the toilet. Plus I'd insist that at least half of my movies are entertaining documentaries.
12. Bonnie or Clyde?
Rock Hudson and Doris Day
13. What movie have you watched more than any other (my revised question, because the Jesus question has been answered well by others)?
I have gawker slowdown with the following movies, so it is likely that, though these are not the best movies ever made, I've seen them more than I should have. What's more, they have all made me cry. I am a sad, pathetic loser.
When Harry Met Sally