Things that are fundamentally wrong with Footloose

  1. No one is named Ren. Or Wren. No one.
  2. A Quiet Riot Mental Health listener would not, under any circumstances, monitor cool points by asking about Men at Work. Or the Police.
  3. A town like that in the middle of nowhere would not have a gymnastics team. And if they did, popular guys would not be on it, so they wouldn't get a kick out of kicking the new kid off.
  4. Only Billy Elliott and the Jets get so mad they have to dance off their rage. (Maybe that Flashdance girl would, but I think she'd weld instead.)
  5. Rednecks in a honky tonk would not dance to the song Footloose. And they'd have pummeled that Ren kid for sport.
  6. None of those guys are high school age. 17 year-olds don't have bodies like that. Unless they're on steroids. Which kids weren't in 1984. Maybe they were all held back.
  7. There just wouldn't be that much eloquent forbidden literature graffitied into a wall. People in a town like that would write things like swear words.
  8. If that Ariel had gotten the beating they portrayed from that Chuck when she breaks up with him, she'd have a broken nose and a black eye, not the purple little smudge they gave her.
  9. All that kissing of Ren after the punch would have been painful, too.
  10. And her father would have SO grounded her for that black eye. But it seems he never saw it.
  11. Someone in the movie calls Ren "monkey boy", and it is not John Lithgow.
  12. The woman playing Kevin Bacon's mom was 40 when this movie was released.
  13. Seriously. That black eye healed in like two hours. That is so not real.
  14. I'm assuming they checked all those books out of the library before they burned them. Otherwise they're stealing. There's even a commandment about that.
  15. I'm a bit skeptical that they have a law to prohibit dancing but don't have one requiring motorcycle helmets. Though the bible probably doesn't say much about protective headgear.
  16. Why is there a turkey on the buffet at the dance? I don't remember roasted meats at my proms.
  17. For kids who haven't been allowed to dance in their lives, they can sure bust a move. And there's no way white kids in a remote town without MTV would have known how to breakdance.
  18. At no point in the movie does Sarah Jessica Parker wear Manolo Blahniks. Or Jimmy Choo's. Yeah. Right.

Comments

blog administrator said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
9:28 pm
Kireliols said…
Hey! Don't be mean because wherever you go...there you are.
9:30 pm
BeckEye said…
No one is named Ren. Or Wren. No one. - I think Stimpy would disagree with you on that one.

I never understood how all those kids could know how to breakdance either.

I guess you've been watching VH1 Classic this weekend? It's been all "Footloose," while TMC has been all "Dirty Dancing." I'll opt for Baby and Johnny over Ariel and Ren any day.
11:27 pm
Melinda June said…
I (heart) Buckaroo.

Touche, beckeye. I wonder if the artist named him after Kevin Bacon?

Here in the UK it has been ITV that has helped me with Footloose, and Dirty Dancing, well, that is courtesy of the bargain bin at tesco. What a great waste of a rainy Sunday afternoon.
4:41 pm
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ways other than Paul Blart and lipstick to combat economic depression

They say that, when the economy tanks and you can't see any way through your pile of bills and are wondering who you'll look wearing one of those barrels with shoulder straps, women buy lipstick and everyone goes to upbeat, escapist movies to take their minds off their troubles. But I'm here to tell you that any lipstick worth having is nigh 'bout $20 or more and you'll just end up regretting it, and Hollywood has not caught up with the times yet. Plus, it's Oscar season, so once you've seen Slumdog Millionaire your choices are sexy Nazis seducing children, attractive suburbanites mourning the death of their dreams, and nuns and priests talking about child abuse. (That said, I hear Gran Torino is a good diversion with a message, and if you don't hate Brad Pitt as much as I do you could probably sit through that Owen Meany movie where he ages like he's from Ork .) And while I'm as big a Kevin James fan as the next person, you can't ask him
Read more

Executive MBA 2006-07 Director's Prize

This prize is awarded to the Executive MBA student who is judged by his or her peers to have contributed most to the overall success of the programme. Awarded to: Me I'm really happy about this - I've been the stream rep between the administration and my fellow students, which is the primary reason I've won this...I've managed a lot of situations and helped sort out problems, and while it's been a bit of work it's also been quite fun. I've got all sorts of thoughts and feelings, and in about an hour I'm calling my mom to hear about Thanksgiving with my brother and to tell her the news, but the over-riding reflection I have is this. My dad would be very, very proud. This would have made his day.
Read more

Planning Funerals

We've been picking out hymns and suits to wear at the visitation and crematory urns for the ashes and cemetery plots with a good view. My dad passed away at 1 PM on Father's Day. He'd been in excruciating pain, which progressed as the week went on. By Thursday night we had to up the morphine dose so that he slept all the time, but at least he wasn't writhing in pain. Metastasized bone cancer is an ugly, ugly thing. On Friday, I spent the day with him. I sat in the comfy chair in his room and read him my Managing Strategic Innovation prep work and case study. I guess I'm assuming it was the morphine that kept him sleeping, but we'll never really know. On Saturday, my mom and I played scrabble by his bed most of the day. There were some rousing plays, especially since she refused to let me play 'squab' and 'nori' because these were not familiar words to her and we didn't have an official scrabble dictionary handy. I called her a dirty cheater,
Read more