Sunday, April 29, 2007

Things that are fundamentally wrong with Footloose

  1. No one is named Ren. Or Wren. No one.
  2. A Quiet Riot Mental Health listener would not, under any circumstances, monitor cool points by asking about Men at Work. Or the Police.
  3. A town like that in the middle of nowhere would not have a gymnastics team. And if they did, popular guys would not be on it, so they wouldn't get a kick out of kicking the new kid off.
  4. Only Billy Elliott and the Jets get so mad they have to dance off their rage. (Maybe that Flashdance girl would, but I think she'd weld instead.)
  5. Rednecks in a honky tonk would not dance to the song Footloose. And they'd have pummeled that Ren kid for sport.
  6. None of those guys are high school age. 17 year-olds don't have bodies like that. Unless they're on steroids. Which kids weren't in 1984. Maybe they were all held back.
  7. There just wouldn't be that much eloquent forbidden literature graffitied into a wall. People in a town like that would write things like swear words.
  8. If that Ariel had gotten the beating they portrayed from that Chuck when she breaks up with him, she'd have a broken nose and a black eye, not the purple little smudge they gave her.
  9. All that kissing of Ren after the punch would have been painful, too.
  10. And her father would have SO grounded her for that black eye. But it seems he never saw it.
  11. Someone in the movie calls Ren "monkey boy", and it is not John Lithgow.
  12. The woman playing Kevin Bacon's mom was 40 when this movie was released.
  13. Seriously. That black eye healed in like two hours. That is so not real.
  14. I'm assuming they checked all those books out of the library before they burned them. Otherwise they're stealing. There's even a commandment about that.
  15. I'm a bit skeptical that they have a law to prohibit dancing but don't have one requiring motorcycle helmets. Though the bible probably doesn't say much about protective headgear.
  16. Why is there a turkey on the buffet at the dance? I don't remember roasted meats at my proms.
  17. For kids who haven't been allowed to dance in their lives, they can sure bust a move. And there's no way white kids in a remote town without MTV would have known how to breakdance.
  18. At no point in the movie does Sarah Jessica Parker wear Manolo Blahniks. Or Jimmy Choo's. Yeah. Right.

4 comments:

bus issue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kirelimel said...

Hey! Don't be mean because wherever you go...there you are.

BeckEye said...

No one is named Ren. Or Wren. No one. - I think Stimpy would disagree with you on that one.

I never understood how all those kids could know how to breakdance either.

I guess you've been watching VH1 Classic this weekend? It's been all "Footloose," while TMC has been all "Dirty Dancing." I'll opt for Baby and Johnny over Ariel and Ren any day.

Melinda June said...

I (heart) Buckaroo.

Touche, beckeye. I wonder if the artist named him after Kevin Bacon?

Here in the UK it has been ITV that has helped me with Footloose, and Dirty Dancing, well, that is courtesy of the bargain bin at tesco. What a great waste of a rainy Sunday afternoon.