Retard Love Island

There is a popular reality show here called Love Island. They take C and D list celebrities, maroon them on an island with a posh house and a pool, and make them act sexy and hit on each other. It is classic British tv...take celebrities whose claim to fame is that they pose nude in "Nuts" or were once in a boyband that had one hit in 1999, be sure they're complete morons, ask them to do tasks that are either senseless or easily accomplished by an 8-year-old, and then reward them for acting sexy and doing raunchy things.

What celebrities do they have on this time? Let's see....Pierce Brosnan's ginger son Chris is on. No talent. Not particularly nice, and sadly he also appears to be adopted. And there's this freakishly skinny kid from Hollyoaks who looks like he's still in puberty and has never seen boobies before. Speaking of boobies, there are at least four sets of fake ones attached to equally fake women. And there's a professional ballroom dancer. These people are all classless idiots who haven't engaged a braincell in decades, but they work out a lot so at least they can wear swimsuits on tv. It's like Friends meets The Trailer Park Boys.

I honestly didn't know functioning adults could be this stupid. They had a geography quiz, with a big wall map of the world on an easel by the pool. Contestants were given the names of countries and they had to place them on the map. The woman who lives in the USA pulled the US out of the hat. She placed it on Canada. One guy (one of the smart ones) put Chile on the Baja. Another woman confused France and Spain. And another placed South Africa on India. (That one even tells you exactly where it is and she couldn't figure it out.)

Tonight they had teams bet on whether a contestant could complete a task or not and they won points for winning the wager. Tasks accomplished: tread water for one minute. Tasks NOT accomplished: Blow up a balloon, peel a potato, hold your breath underwater for 20 seconds, and RECITE THE ALPHABET.

This show is absolutely ridiculous. And yet, I've seen enough of this crap to tell you the details.

I am a total saddo.


Hmmm... I feel I may be qualified to appear on this show, except that I'm not famous.

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