The Special People Club

For reference, Mr. McCain, just like Some Guy said awhile back - I am not your "friend." Not only am I NOT your friend, I actively dislike you and your mamby pamby pandering ways. I think you look like you're made out of wax, and I think you sound like Dick Dastardly's dog Muttley when you laugh. In fact, you look a bit like him, too. (And since I know you're way too old to understand the Hanna Barbera pop culture reference, FYI that isn't a compliment. In fact - SNAP.) I figure in the end your folksy chitterchat will ultimately kick your ass. If you can talk all cocky about giving Barack Obama some schoolin ' in foreign policy with a trip to Iraq, it can only be a matter of time before you call him "boy" in a debate. Or perhaps you'll go with the less racially charged "whipper-snapper." With an old-coot holler at the end. But for now, please cease and desist with the "friend" calling, Sir. From this point forw...

I've got news for you Iowans. And Minnesotans. And Washingtonians. (And folks from Alaska, Colorado, Idaho, Kansas, North Dakota, Nevada, Maine, Wyoming and half of Texas.) You don't count. You and your lazy, have-a-cup-of-coffee-and-a-piece-of-pie-then-take-your-corners-and discuss-your-candidate caucusing ways are worthless. Meaningless. Why can't you just vote like normal people? Michigan and Florida, man. Now THOSE people matter. Those people have important messages and deserve to be heard. You yokels with your chatty cathy get- togethers are just a whole lotta noise. Who cares what you think? Thank God hard-working Hillary is here to remind us who matters and who doesn't. We always knew that it wasn't just poor uneducated white people. It's so nice to have it clarified. Hillary's so smart. That's why she's ahead in the popular vote.