The Special People Club

There's a stomach bug going around and, never one to miss a trend, I caught it with a vengeance. I woke up about 3AM Friday, and I felt like there was kind of an electric charge in my system. I was almost twitchy. It didn't make any sense. And then I realized that it was an adrenalin surge to get me up and running across the hall. Thank God for adrenalin. This has been a flu of biblical proportions. Friday I actually considered just sleeping in the bathroom, but opted to just stay in bed and hope my sprints to the bathroom got further apart. Yesterday I made it to the couch, but that was an effort. Bethany tells me I have to eat something, anything...and so I've managed some applesauce, a half a packet of saltines and some dry toast. And some Squirt. I'd make jello, but I can't bear to be in the kitchen. I haven't answered my phone because my voice is weak and it hurts to think. I started tweeting again yesterday, but it takes too much thought to respond to oth...

God help me. Is it the eyeliner, the John-Hughes-film-wannabe wardrobe or the Schlitz in my hand that makes this so regrettable? Thanks to my friend GF, I can now worry what other photos might be lurking out there.

I just read an article about things that are now "out". Cupcakes are one of them. This is so not fair. Cupcakes ROCK. The whole giant-luxury-cupcake-as-impulse-buy trend never hit the UK, and outside of that one Sex and the City episode, I didn't even know there was a cupcake revolution happening back at home. So now, just when I discover the joys of a Red Velvet cupcake, or a S'more cupcake with homemade marshmallow on top, THEY go and declare cupcakes obsolete, passe, the Furby of the pastry world. All I'm saying is apparently THEY have not recently had a delightful treat from Bleeding Heart Bakery or Angel Food . Perhaps they should give them another chance. Killjoys.

Here, for public display, are my New Year's resolutions. 1) Stop exercising. I mean, why walk when you can ride? Plus, if you take deep breaths in the cold it kind of hurts, so I'll start smoking a pack a day effective immediately, then up that to two packs by my birthday - I'll never be able to fully inhale again. 2) Gain 15 pounds. And start eating more fried foods. There isn't enough grease in my diet. 3) Swear more. 4) Stay unemployed. Instead, I'll start watching daytime TV and selling Amway on the side. Or maybe Shaklee . 5) In fact, watch more TV full stop. Can you believe I haven't caught an episode of Mama's Boys yet??? 6) Buy a deeply discounted SUV and burn as much fossil fuel as I can. 7) Sit home a lot. Socializing sucks. Plus it's more fun to drink alone. 8) Start a Ponzi scheme. 9) Go whoring. Who needs a real relationship? 10) Start volunteering for the RNC .

Man, I hate making my bed. You'd think I'd outgrow that.

Memento , City of God and Awara on steroids. It ROCKS.

I've not been myself the last few months. And now that's going to change. So I've deleted my posts since I moved back (except for christmas memories, which are timeless,) and I'm starting with a clean slate. Thus, I am reborn. Happy New Year, folks!

Nice camera angle. No wonder my mom was always telling me to sit like a lady. Luckily, though, that's just a bit of teenage cellulite and not a full Britney.

See, Pam? I can do better. You can almost see the short bus pulling up around the corner.

Thirteen years old, and my pajamas still had rubber feet. We don't call this "The Special People Club" for nothing.

Note - this is a very long post...it took 25 minutes to actually read aloud, but since some of you might be interested I'm posting it. The Transcript of the Official Wedding Ceremony of Poor George and Coaster Punchman I’d like to welcome everyone to this beautiful setting today to witness and celebrate the marriage of two spectacular people, Poor George and Coaster Punchman. Some of you know me and to others I’m a new face – my name is Melinda June, and I’m a close friend of the happy couple. I’m incredibly honored and a little overwhelmed that they’ve asked me to perform this ceremony. And I apologize in advance that I’m going to read this whole thing…it’s very important to me that I get this right, and since we couldn’t get a teleprompter this is the only recourse. As is obvious by the number of you gathered here today, I’m not the only person in this world who adores these two men.Therefore, when they asked me to prepare the ceremony and vows, I decided to enlist the help of th...

Hello, all. I didn't realise it, but I, too seem to be on some sort of hiatus. It's all the leaving activities and the laziness of day to day relaxation, I guess. As it is, I'm soon to be doing a last wander to say goodbye to a few folks and have some fun, and I will be sans computer for the next week. Likely no posts or checking of email until Sunday.

After reading of MnMom's desire to lose weight , I decided that I, too, must start using the power of the internets to shame myself into losing weight. But I don't want to clutter this site up with a bunch of dieting stuff or it will detract from my John-McCain-is-old jokes. Therefore, I have created a new blog called Lard Ass to Tight Ass . I will make it a group blog, and if you'd like to join me you're welcome. I know there are excellent group blogs for health regimes out there. This is not one of them. I anticipate there will be times that I, personally, blog about the deliciousness of chocolate cake. And the joy of lardassing on the sofa. Dieting isn't particularly fun or funny, and what's the point of blogging if you don't even amuse yourself? In fact, if you're reading this and would like to blog about how you keep your muffin top in top form you're welcome to join, too. Perhaps I will be able to stave off cravings by living vicariously...

While sitting on the train this weekend, I heard this guy sitting across the aisle tell his girlfriend that she would "go ape" for the food wherever they were going. She wasn't convinced. When we got off to change trains at Clapham Junction, that same guy slid when he stepped on a banana peel.

1. Obviously, I've become quite attached to this whole numbering format. Though I've strayed a bit lately, it seems this is a formula I can stick with. It makes it a lot easier to blog, because random thoughts can all go in the same entry. But I feel like I've lost my edge. My ability to spin a yarn. Hmmm. 2. I have excellent bedhead today. I wish I could get my hair to do this every day. 3. There's fine mist blowing about. So fine it looks like snow, but of course it's not since it's 60 degrees out. Great day for a barbeque! Which is what I'm doing this afternoon. 4. We went out to celebrate C's last day of work last night. It was a quiet night out in Horsham. We did meet one guy who demanded a hug when we walked past (we obliged,) but there were no rowdy yob-types in sight. It hardly felt like England. 5. There were, however, many men wearing shockingly strong cologne. Nice to know some things remain the same. 6. I think it's odd that cooking show...

Why aren't all nature programs like this?

I'm making a watermelon feta salad to go with the tofu burgers tonight, and I needed to pick up a few things. I had a nice stroll into town, drank a coffee and restocked my book options, then went to Sainsburys. Keiren was picking me up, so I stood in front of the store to wait for his arrival. I'm wearing knee length jean shorts and a baggy mens-ish shirt and sandals. And holding a watermelon. Which made me think, "Hey! I'm just like Baby! You can't put me in the corner!" And I did a little merengue in my head. If I'd been standing next to a ginger, I'm sure people would have noticed the similarity, and probably pointed. I just hope my hair wasn't as puffy. I really need to start working again.

Seriously, they're delicious .

The other day I saw the dorkiest, clumsiest cat ever. It was a bit fat, and it wanted to get to a shed roof to sun itself. So it struggled to claw it's way up the side of the fence. It finally made it. "It's smooth sailing now, my friend," or so I thought. After a few seconds' pause to steady itself, it did this awkward claw/crawl along the top of the fence and the rail just below the edge that keeps the fence slats upright. It had to stop mid-way, seemingly to catch its breath and balance. Eventually, Lard Kitty made it to the side of the shed, and did a gingerly side step and crawl maneuver that moved it up on its destination, and then it collapsed in a heap, its chest heaving while it relaxed in the sun. I think I'm going to go for a run tomorrow. Could probably do with a little exercise

I know this is going to make me very unpopular in blogland , but I'm here to tell you that, while bacon is delicious and chocolate is might- ee -fine, combining bacon and chocolate is just asking for trouble. In fact, bacon and chocolate sounds nasty. Especially bacon and white chocolate, which has no bite at all and would simply dilute the smoky goodness. No, I'm even willing to go out on a ledge and say that putting bacon and chocolate together is a downright bad idea. I also think bacon martinis make no sense and that a bacon trifle would also be disgusting. Bacon and jello might work, but only if there were carrots and celery in the mix, too, and probably only with the lighter, more refreshing jellos of the orange/lime/lemon variety as they would give a better balance. I know. I'm a rebel. But I will not stand by and allow this rampant bacon lust to continue without a sanity check.