Monday, June 16, 2008

Inquiring mind

1. Rather than go to the store to buy polish remover, I chose to gnaw the chipped polish off my nails last night. I disgust me. On the plus side, I won't have to pack and move the bottle of polish remover, so that's a plus.
2. Why is it so easy to get spinach in your teeth?
3. Today I saw a couple at Euston station wearing two of the ugliest plaid jackets ever. I mean abysmally ugly. Criminally ugly. And I can't help but wonder how that happened? Let's just imagine for a moment that you and I were travelling together, and when I came out of the shower you were putting on a nasty check plaid jacket that's so busy it sends a normal human eye into spasms. I would go one of two ways: 1) Tell you that your jacket was a crime against humanity and you'd best take it off, lest I start burning it whilst you were still in it, or 2) Decide to let you learn your own lesson through ridicule and public shaming, and then I'd put on something simple and unobtrusive to muffle the noise of your blazer. Under no circumstances would I look at your flashing black and white check monstrosity and say, "Hey! I have that SAME jacket except with a bit of yellow thrown in for color! Why don't I wear that?!" Obviously, this man's travelling companion is not me.
4. There were YOBs on the train. I hate YOBs. Talking all Ali G and telling misogynistic stories about women they know. Where are their manners, for pete's sake? If the Youth of Britain are anything to go by, women are all whores and sluts, too stupid to hold a conversation and positively gagging for sex. I hated these kids. They're like 16, and from the way they're dressed they looked like they come from wealthy homes, which likely means they have privilege that will get them into a certain level of power when they grow up. It disgusted me. Little jerks. They needed a good smack.
5. I sat next to a nutter on the tube today. Or at least I'm assuming he was a nutter. About every five seconds he'd smack his knee and then whistle ever so softly. Perhaps he was simply keeping time to some internal tune.
6. I had chocolate ice cream yesterday. I never ever eat ice cream. It was delicious. Yum.
7. I've had a headache most of the day. I think it comes from riding the train facing backwards before I had a proper cup of coffee.
8. I don't understand Bob Dylan's accent. He's from Northern Minnesota. What happened?
9. There are bats that swoop and dive all over the back garden at dusk. They terrify me. I have to shut the blinds so I don't see them because I freak out.
10. I could really go for some jello right now.

2 comments:

kirelimel said...

There IS always room for Jello.

Writeprocrastinator said...

" I sat next to a nutter on the tube today. Or at least I'm assuming he was a nutter. About every five seconds he'd smack his knee and then whistle ever so softly. Perhaps he was simply keeping time to some internal tune."

Actually, I was performing a small concerto for you and I'm disappointed that you didn't like it.