Tuesday, March 01, 2005

British Pop Sucks

I don't know what these people are thinking with their music.

We listen to the radio at work. And you all know I'm a sucker for a good pop song. But they're going too far here.

I must admit, I really like the Scissor Sisters, an American band that has taken the UK by storm. They're kind of a discofunk throwback band of oddballs from Tennessee. I'd say their album is one of the best dance-around-the-house, drive-really-fast releases I've heard in awhile. Not as funky as the Black-Eyed Peas, but perfect for a John Travolta moment in the privacy of your home (or faux privacy of your car.) Plus, it's hard to find social-commentary disco...with choruses like "You can't see tits on the radio" (about indecency police) and the song Filthy/Gorgeous which is basically a prostitute talking about how pathetic her johns are they're making a statement while they boogie. They do a disco version of Comfortably Numb, but I've been able to forgive them for that. Check them out.

Beyond that, though, there's lots of 4/4 driving drum beat electronic music sung by Barbie dolls like Kylie Minogue. It all sounds pretty much the same, and I get really tired of it by about 10 AM. There's a band called Girls Aloud that I've dubbed a bunch of talentless bimbos who look like an army of pole-dancing clones. Gwen Stefani has unnecessary popularity here, as well, with her cupie doll squeals and dance-mixy nonsense. Her current hit is a dance mix of GET THIS: "If I Were a Rich Man". Yes, Gwen meets Tevia in an electronic, drum machine frenzy. It's positively vile.

The Brits also like to make remakes of songs that didn't need to be made in the first place. Steve Winwood's "Valerie" has been made into a radio-friendly aerobics hit, there's a version out there of "Out of Touch" NOT by Hall and Oates, a remake of "Give a Little Bit", and the Bryan Adams "I'm Gonna Run To You". Dreck is dreck, but dreck that' been given a driving beat suitable for giving headaches or doing aerobics is simply not okay.

It's even worse when they take a good song and make it bad. "Dancing in the Moonlight" is a catchy 70's groove number, and it doesn't need a drum machine and a little insert of "Here we go" before each chorus. They've even bastardized Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love" with a version which sounds like a vinyl album with a skip ("Don't you wan/Don't you wan/Don't you wan/Don't you wan/Don't you wan/Don't you wan/Don't you want some body to love...")

Lesson for the day: BBC Television = Good. BBC Radio 1 = BAD

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