Small Country

People will tell you that England is about the size of Minnesota. They're right.

Growing up in the middle of the US, I always knew that I lived in a gigantic country. I went on family vacations and spent HOURS sitting in the back seat with my brother. (Sidebar....My clever mother devised a game with lifesavers candy that kept us occupied...everyone would get a candy of their choice, and then we'd have to hold it on our tongues and you only won if you were the last one to finish yours. Cagey woman, my mom...exchanging sweets for silence, and we were totally suckered in.) My family traveled from our house in Iowa to every end of the country and we'd be gone for weeks. It'd take three days to get to Yellowstone and the ocean wasn't even close. I think we were gone for two weeks on the Detroit/Toronto/Niagra-and-back route. And when I moved from Seattle to Washington DC in my thirties, I drove from coast to coast and it was a two week undertaking (with a three day stop in the Midwest, but still.) Our country really is the width of a continent. It's incredible.

The UK, on the other hand, is a very small place. Evidence to support my case:
  • You can drive from the Midlands (technically the start of "the North") to the South in 2 hours.
  • Regional news covers 1/3 of the country.
  • Most strangers who meet seem to find a common acquaintance within 10 minutes of starting a conversation.
  • The entire country can mobilize behind Comic Relief and donate £60M to charities in Africa and the UK, a la Jerry Lewis - with no local cutaways. BI's £200 contribution got our picture on national tv at 1 AM.
  • There's only one time zone.
  • National news covers stories like one about the family in rural Surrey that has been vandalized for the last five weeks by people leaving shoes in a pile at the base of their driveway. (And all the stations covered this...it's breaking news.)
  • Celebrities just aren't all that attractive (or talented)...the talent pool is smaller, and so they have to lower their standards for the perfect nose or the right hairstyle. Hugh Grant...certainly foxy, but not especially handsome. Emma Thompson...beautiful in a unique way, but never was a starlet. Oh. And get a load of the newscasters. There's one guy who looks like one of his eyes is on his forehead. Must make it hard to read the teleprompters.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ways other than Paul Blart and lipstick to combat economic depression

They say that, when the economy tanks and you can't see any way through your pile of bills and are wondering who you'll look wearing one of those barrels with shoulder straps, women buy lipstick and everyone goes to upbeat, escapist movies to take their minds off their troubles. But I'm here to tell you that any lipstick worth having is nigh 'bout $20 or more and you'll just end up regretting it, and Hollywood has not caught up with the times yet. Plus, it's Oscar season, so once you've seen Slumdog Millionaire your choices are sexy Nazis seducing children, attractive suburbanites mourning the death of their dreams, and nuns and priests talking about child abuse. (That said, I hear Gran Torino is a good diversion with a message, and if you don't hate Brad Pitt as much as I do you could probably sit through that Owen Meany movie where he ages like he's from Ork .) And while I'm as big a Kevin James fan as the next person, you can't ask him...
Read more

Planning Funerals

We've been picking out hymns and suits to wear at the visitation and crematory urns for the ashes and cemetery plots with a good view. My dad passed away at 1 PM on Father's Day. He'd been in excruciating pain, which progressed as the week went on. By Thursday night we had to up the morphine dose so that he slept all the time, but at least he wasn't writhing in pain. Metastasized bone cancer is an ugly, ugly thing. On Friday, I spent the day with him. I sat in the comfy chair in his room and read him my Managing Strategic Innovation prep work and case study. I guess I'm assuming it was the morphine that kept him sleeping, but we'll never really know. On Saturday, my mom and I played scrabble by his bed most of the day. There were some rousing plays, especially since she refused to let me play 'squab' and 'nori' because these were not familiar words to her and we didn't have an official scrabble dictionary handy. I called her a dirty cheater,...
Read more

Executive MBA 2006-07 Director's Prize

This prize is awarded to the Executive MBA student who is judged by his or her peers to have contributed most to the overall success of the programme. Awarded to: Me I'm really happy about this - I've been the stream rep between the administration and my fellow students, which is the primary reason I've won this...I've managed a lot of situations and helped sort out problems, and while it's been a bit of work it's also been quite fun. I've got all sorts of thoughts and feelings, and in about an hour I'm calling my mom to hear about Thanksgiving with my brother and to tell her the news, but the over-riding reflection I have is this. My dad would be very, very proud. This would have made his day.
Read more